My husband and I are a solid team, but like any couple we have our occasional disagreements. However, the last couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I found myself nagging over the most mundane things like toilet paper brands and which book to read Arya at bedtime. Finally, I told Mike we needed to take a step back because I had a very serious question: Why the hell do I want to feed you to a tiger?
We put Arya to bed early one evening, grabbed our favorite snacks and jumped into bed. If you can’t be a fat kid with your spouse, then what’s even the point of marriage?! Instead of saying “so, what’s your problem?” I started by asking “how can I be a better partner to you?” Approaching our issues together rather than pointing fingers has always served us well. We made a pact early in our relationship that we’d never start a tough conversation with YOU – it’s always I – this way you own your behavior and actions instead of dictating to your spouse theirs.
We talked for hours and came to the realization that I had turned into a nag as a coping mechanism for the stress I was under from work and home life colliding under one roof. Mike reminded me of what our pastor referenced during our wedding. His job was to make me LAUGH and mine was to READ him.
Here are my 3 tips to avoid feeding your husband to a tiger during stressful times.
1. I.D. the (real) problem
Sometimes we use our spouse or others close to us as punching bags. Learn to hit pause and figure out what’s causing your attitude or frustration. You’d be surprised how often it’s NOT the person you think it is but rather an internal struggle you’re not ready to address or didn’t realize you needed to
2. Take 5
Girl sometimes you must walk away and put yourself in a timeout. I’m a jack-in-the-box - suppress, suppress, suppress and then BOOM goes the dynamite. Since I know this about myself, I’m more aware and will put myself in a timeout before saying or doing something that could potentially harm the person I’m closest to and love dearly – my life partner.
3. Check the mirror
I’m pretty good about checking myself, but sometimes I need Mike to hold up the mirror for me. Don’t shy away from talking through your feelings with someone you trust and feel safe opening up to. Make sure you’re coming to the conversation with an open heart and mind in order to receive their help to get you back on track. A bad attitude is rarely productive when it’s time to look in the mirror and course correct.
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! Click the link below to see a special moment during our wedding ceremony when Pastor Conway of One Community Church gave us the tools we needed to weather any storm (or global pandemic) then implement it in your relationship. I promise if you READ and LAUGH there’s nothing your relationship can’t overcome.